Dual....:-)
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
