i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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