i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was confusing and full of hummus
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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