Can i not drive my cunt home
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
