Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
