Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
