Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
