The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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