Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
