he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
