brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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