Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
