You can't special order awesome
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
