Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
