Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
