He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
