i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
