So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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