i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
