I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
