Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
