I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Found the puke drawer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
