I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
