What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
