this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
