Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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