Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
