We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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