Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sober January is a disaster.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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