the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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