There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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