dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
