On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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