shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
