There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
