Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
