He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
