He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
