So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
