I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
