There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
