did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
