I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
