The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
