At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
