I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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