Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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