we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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