i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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