I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
