And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
