I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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