im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
