You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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