Tell her she can't have a vagina
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
