i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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