new low.... made out with someone while peeing
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.