Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dating After Heartbreak
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So much rum. So many feels.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.