I'm jealous of your bromance
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible