He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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