yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We got so high we made milksteak
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
