And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
