But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
