I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
