I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
They took my balls.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
