So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
