I love black thongs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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