i barfeds in our rink
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dicks are not precious.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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