you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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