Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
