remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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