It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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