Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
