Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
