do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
