I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
