I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
