I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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