That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
